My Voice: Observations and Thoughts

What Feelings Sound Like

May 3rd, 2007 by weylyn42

In one of my grad school classes we looked at the concept of “multiple intelligences”. Each of us took a short quiz in the book to determine our strengths. I scored equally high in two intelligences. One was the logical/analytical intelligence, no surprise there, especially given my GRE scores, the other was music.

Until that time I had never really given a lot of thought to music, anymore than I gave thought to reading, and anyone who knows me knows how I am about reading. Both were just there, though now I realize, to some extent, that I don’t know if I could honestly understand a person who doesn’t read, or someone who doesn’t enjoy music.

My taste in music varies, as I imagine is the same for most people. There is no one or two genres which completely define what I like, what I listen to.

I listen to music usually when I’m doing something else: working, participating in class, doing homework, drawing. If I don’t have a way to listen to music I often sing to myself, quietly or in my head, usually a phrase of a song over and over. The kind of phrase that gets stuck. If I do sing a whole song, it is likely that I miss a word or phrase, forgetting it or just having never understood it from hearing the original.

Lately I have noticed that when I am alone and listening to music, most frequently driving, some songs have left me awed, even if I’ve heard them before. There are some songs that reach into me and touch something deeper than words can describe. But let me try. (1)

In one instance it was the singer’s voice, changing suddenly in a phrase from a low sound to a higher pitch - it left me stunned, and carried the emotion of the lyrics so much more than the words alone could convey.

In other instances it is the lyrics - listening alone I really hear them. In some it is the entire song which paints a picture I can’t help but react to, in others it is a single line which invokes an image so filled with emotion I can’t describe it to myself - so instead I must listen to the song over and over to get a glimpse of it.

As a writer I can only hope to create such powerful images with a turn of a phrase, to touch that deep into the heart - invoking not just a picture, but an emotion, a fundamental state of being.

But I also know that is impossible, not because I am a poor writer, but because it is the combination of lyrics and music, the quality of the singers voice, the refrain that came before, which help create that image, which drive it to the heart.

I do not aspire to be a singer, though I’ve done my share of choral performances and solo shower shows where only my cat is audience, but I envy those who do create such pieces - even those who take other musicians’ work and add a new twist- that somehow through the music can describe an aspect of life, of truth, better than anything else.

Footnotes

  1. I will not reveal the titles or artists of these songs, because they hold a special place in my heart, and I feel to share them will somehow diminish the special relationship I have with them.

Moved

March 25th, 2006 by weylyn42

Just before our office closed for the Christmas break, my co-workers and I were moved into a closet made from the old foyer in our office. We were given 1 and a half hours notice before the end of the day on Wednesday that our furniture was being moved out of our current office on Thursday morning, and we had to be in our temporary office by then, rather than by the end of the day Friday.

Our office was then to undergo renovation, removal of walls to the two adjoining offices, and the addition of cubicles, so our department (undergraduate assignments) could effectively share space with the graduate and family housing department. Our estimated time line for completion and to move into our new office was the end of February, the 27th at the latest.

Due to delays, the completion date got moved. And moved again. Finally, the furniture was put in starting on Tuesday of this week. We were told we were moving Wednesday. Then Thursday - we had to wait for inspection from environment health and safety. Which on Thursday we were eligible for, as all the cubicles were done. Estimated time on the inspection, given to us Thursday at lunchtime? 2-3 weeks.

We moved yesterday. We got temporary leave to stay in our un-inspected cubicles. I got to work and my computer had been moved by my supervisor. I know it’s work equipment, but I am kind of possessive of things I identify as “mine”. I put on a smile and went to look at my new cubicle, complete with computer, and deemed the set up that my supervisor had arranged would not work. The monitor was too far away, and the phone was on the wrong side. I simply don’t do as well on the phone with my right ear, and the placement of the phone was such that to put the handset to my left ear would pull the phone, and cord, across my computer monitor and keyboard area.

The first thing I did Friday morning (instead of getting overtime for the move like we were supposed to) was move the rest of the belongings into my new space. Then I took apart my computer set up, moved the phone (which has to be connected the computer), and moved my computer tower to make the cords reach properly. When I asked my supervisor how I could remove the sensor for my wireless keyboard from where it was in the upper cabinet he asked, “Does it need to be moved?” I explained that I could not use the shelf for my notebooks with the sensor there, and it would be better if it were placed on top of the tower, anyway, as I usually sat with the keyboard in my lap.

I spent about an hour off and on re-wiring my computer, getting longer cords for my phone, and basically getting my computer and phone set up to where I could use them. I feel whiny when I say this, and I know my supervisor was just trying to aid the move by staying late on Thursday to move our computers, but if he had waited until we were there, he and I would not have wasted our respective times wiring and re-wiring my station to get it to where it works.

I still have a bunch of papers and notebooks I have to find places for in my new cubicle, but as our afternoon round of students called in sick, I had to cover the front desk. Starting on Monday the students are our sole front-line desk coverage. Friday our old full-time person was training for the new job duties she’s taking over in the back office (with me) because one of my other co-workers got another job. So Monday I have to go back to my unfinished office, and resume unpacking. Which, again, we were originally supposed to get overtime for, so it didn’t disrupt service we could provide during the day.

Sorted

March 9th, 2006 by weylyn42

According to the Bactroid.net sorting hat, I am house Ravenclaw:

You’re a Ravenclaw!
Ravenclaws value intelligence above all other values. Ravenclaws tend to be logical and bright, excelling in both a classroom and a research environment. Famous Ravenclaws include Cho Chang and Luna Lovegood.

Ravenclaw: 11 points

Hufflepuff: 11 points

Gryffindor: 9 points

Slytherin: 8 points

Good thing, too. The Harry Potter tie I own is house Ravenclaw.

Introduction

March 1st, 2006 by weylyn42

I guess the typical thing to do with a new journal, especially one like this, is to introduce oneself.

I am excited to finally have gotten off my lazy-ass long enough to ask for a log in, having (as you can see in the handy bar on the right) already submitted articles to Bactroid.

Quite frankly, the state I am in this morning is exhausted. I am currently working on my Master’s degree, and wouldn’t you know it, both my classes had projects due this week. My paper is done and submitted, but I honestly have only looked at my other project. The complicated one that actually has right and wrong answers, instead of being subjective like a paper.

The one that’s due tomorrow.

Sigh. Some days I wish work were optional. I could really use that right about now. Answering student and parent (usually parent) questions all day can be draining. I can only hope the calls are low volume today.

Ugh.

Off to face the world.

Just Two People In Love

February 28th, 2006 by weylyn42

For my class I had to pick an ethnic or other sub-group in the community for which to identify information needs. Instead of selecting the suggested Spanish-speaking community, or the ever-popular elderly community, I picked the LGBT—Lesbian, Gay, Bi-sexual, Transgender community. It has certainly been a learning process, and in doing my research I have run across a few things that have brought my attention to my own perceptions, and how they may differ from, well, from others.

In doing my project, I had the pleasure of conducting four interviews with people considered community leaders for the LGBT community.(1) One of my interviewees mentioned comfort levels, and how do people deal when they see two people of the same gender holding hands, for instance(2). I have unabashedly held hands with my sister(3) and my female friends. I only now wonder if people thought I was in a non-platonic relationship with them. I wonder if that made anyone uncomfortable to see two females holding hands and realize now that it might have. And that I don’t really care.

The other thing that has been dancing in my mind from my research is not even related to the LGBT community. One of the books I had was evaluating the statistics of different relationships within households, as reported by the census. It was marking trends in unmarried-partner relationships, both for same-sex, and different-sex partners, and of interracial marriages. And it occurs to me now, after eight or nine years of marriage, that my brother and his wife would be considered an inter-racial couple. My brother is Caucasian, my sister-in-law is Indian. Before doing my research for this class, it didn’t matter(4), so much to the point that I didn’t see them as an interracial couple, I just saw my brother and sister-in-law(5). But now I wonder if maybe they cause “looks” when they go out in public—although according to the literature, most interracial couples that are not a Caucasian-Black mix have more acceptance than that particular pairing. This reflects a certain level of discomfort in our society.

Hopefully over time these perceptions can change. Hopefully the fears that are tied to differences between people and the discomfort of seeing two different people as a couple will diminish.

I have hope for future generations. As this generation struggles to get equal rights for all sub-communities in the nation, and as we make baby steps forward(6), it will bring the issues to light, and parents and teachers will be forced to speak with their children about them. Some will instill the fear they feel, wrapped in religious beliefs or convictions, or in simple prejudice. Some, like my sister-in-law will tell their children that it’s okay, casually thrown into a conversation. In a discussion about how important school is to her six-year-old daughter, and trying to pre-empt peer pressure on the dating scene, my sister-in-law told Tessa that she must remember the proper order of things: “Finish school, get a job, get a house, and then you can have boyfriends or girlfriends.”

I can only hope the youth of our country grows up with such tolerance as is being instilled in this family, and that when they see a couple they won’t focus on those differences, they’ll just see two people in love.

Footnotes

  1. Big thanks to Tamara Cohen, Linda Lamme, Charles Brown and Terry Fleming for their help.
  2. There is even an activity day in Gainesville/ at UF—same-sex hand holding day—in support of LGBT community.
  3. Whom some may consider doesn’t count, as we look so much alike that most people can tell we’re siblings.
  4. Not that it matters to me now.
  5. And still do.
  6. For instance, the whole debate sparked by gay-marriages.

Street Corner Politics

October 28th, 2004 by weylyn42

The intersection at the northwest corner of UF is a high traffic area where many different citizens go to express their opinions to those people driving by. Sometimes it’s people concerned about some bill or other passing into law, or not. Sometimes its Hare Krishnas dancing while Christians wave signs at them from across the street. Near elections you often get people who support so-and-so for the local office of such-and-such. Honestly I usually just tune out the proclamations of these impassioned citizens, trying to sway community at large with their beliefs.

With the upcoming Presidential elections, the corners have been full with people who support one presidential candidate or another, usually one of the main two parties. Sometimes you will see Bush supporters on one corner and Kerry supporters on another. Sometimes you will even get people out with signs that don’t advocate a candidate but rather slam one.

I had the unfortunate luck to have to cross the street at that intersection two days ago. It was about a quarter to six in the evening, and the rush hour traffic was dying down. As usual when I come across a large group of people whom I think are going to try to convert me to their way of thinking by waving their sign in my face or, even worse, by trying to engage me in conversation, I had my sunglasses on and looked straightforward to avoid possible eye contact. With the high emotions this upcoming election has brought, I even employed an added defense. I was singing to myself in Japanese.

I reached the first corner of my journey across the intersection. There were three college age guys holding Bush / Cheney signs. I successfully avoided engaging them at all. I pushed the button to cross, north first, which would then be followed by crossing east to get to my bus stop. Looking north towards the Starbucks, I saw a lone man holding two signs. One that said, “Stop the BuSHIT” and another that depicted a person (Designated as US citizens perhaps? Perhaps Bush? I didn’t look that closely.) with an American flag on a pole protruding from his cartoon butt.

The light changed, and I stopped singing when I realized the Bush sign holders were crossing the street in front of me. We reached the corner where the anti-bush supporter was in an argument with what looked to have been a random passer by. I remained behind the Bush fans, and let them shield me from the argument. I was afraid they’d join in the fray shortly and did not want to be caught in the middle.

The passerby was clad in a gray shirt, camouflage pants and was holding the matching jacket. He was telling the sign holder something along the lines of having a family at home he had to take care of. I did not hear the anti-Bush supporter’s reply (I was, in fact, actively trying to ignore them), but the army clad gentlemen raised his voice in retort, “You know, that sign of yours is so typical of your party,” he said pointing at the picture with the flag. His attacks continued, and the Bush supporters whom I had followed across the street joined in. The anti-Bush supporter started getting loud, and I was afraid a fistfight would break out. While I am a trained martial artist and a black belt to boot, I am sorely out of shape and out of practice, and even if I wasn’t, there is no way I could separate 5 grown men if it came to blows. I also refrained from adding my two-cents worth, fearing it would only escalate the situation.

Luckily the light changed, and I quickly passed the trio holding signs, and reached the safety of the other side of the street. There was another guy there, watching the battle across the way, who turned to comment to me that he couldn’t wait until next week because then it would all be over. I agreed.

On the bus ride home I wondered what I would have said if I hadn’t crossed the street when I did. It probably would have come out “Hey, calm down. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. That’s what democracy is all about.” I don’t know if that would have diffused the situation any, but if it did, I would have known they were only words to calm down men who were getting quick to anger.

I do not believe the system we live in is a democracy. Our country is so large, it simply can’t be. I have heard we are a democratic republic, and that is the term I use when I describe our political system. I do not believe we should be trapped in the confines of a two party system; and even though we do have members from other parties, the reality is that fear and ignorance keep us within the two primary party lines. I do not believe the Electoral College is appropriate any longer the way that it is. I think that within a state, if the populace vote is split, the Electoral College votes should be split by percentage to better reflect the people’s vote.

It saddens me that the state of our country is such that people I know are ashamed of it sometimes. As people we are decent, but as a nation, I think we are obnoxious and need to learn to admit when we are wrong. We are not the end-all, be-all in the world, and we shouldn’t be. It also saddens me that people are so concerned about their country and its future that they lose sight and think that yelling at one another in the streets about campaign signs or particular campaign issues that have been beaten into the ground by the candidates are actually going to change the world. I would love to see these same people in a forum, discussing intelligently the pros and cons each of the multitude of candidates has to offer, so they could the leave well-informed, make their vote, and change the face of their country.

But I know this is an unrealistic dream. As such, I just place my assurance that in a week it will be over for now, and perhaps our streets will be a little quieter.

Everyday Costumes

September 4th, 2003 by weylyn42

While I was waiting for my ride after work, a student walked by me wearing t-shirt that had a picture of the Anime Style Strongbad. His face was familiar enough that I was relatively certain he worked in our office, and I couldn’t resist the urge to comment on his attire. When he walked past I said, “You gotta have blue hair,” in a voice which was my poor attempt to impersonate the character featured on his shirt. He laughed, nodded, made some comment back, and went on his way.

As I was thinking back on this incident later, I realized that I had talked to a relative stranger because I felt a connection to him, simply based on the clothes he was wearing. I felt I knew him, or at least a little about him, since he obviously enjoyed the same website I did. It amazed me how much impact a simple fashion decision(1) can make on how you are perceived.

Especially in current times where fashion runs the gambit from jeans and a t-shirt supporting a favorite website to dress attire, from business suits to the goth look, what you wear definitely has an impact on how people perceive you and how they react to you. I have found that though I try not to make pre-judgments on people I haven’t met(2), what a person is wearing certainly has an effect on how I react to them.

I may venture to speak with a stranger if I feel a “connection” because they obviously enjoy the same things I do. I’m wary of people walking down the street in all dark clothes, dyed hair and body piercings(3) simply on the impression I get. Employees at businesses who dress in “work attire”(4)tend to get my respect, if not a degree of unease. I perceive them as an “authority”—though sometimes I prefer to speak with the employees who are more casually dressed because I feel they will be more sympathetic to my concerns. At the do-jang(5), simply wearing the do bak(6) puts me in the mindset of the disciplined structure of the class. Everyone who comes together and wears a do bak for that hour becomes part of the same team, and respects the hierarchy established by belt color, regardless of age.

It is interesting to me that in our times, when we consider ourselves “enlightened” and “open” something as simple as what you wear can have such a defining nature on how we perceive ourselves and others. In effect, we wear costumes everyday appropriate to the roles we play and the way in which we are perceived. Also, to some extent, what we wear defines the roles we are chosen to play(7). Thoughts like these make me take a little extra care when I’m standing in front of my closet trying to decide what to wear.

Footnotes

  1. Even if it was only selected because it met the criteria “Is this clean?” Some days I find that a valid way of selecting my attire.
  2. Of course, there is always some quality of categorizing people you don’t know. It’s simply the way the human brain operates.
  3. Though I’ve meet people who dress like this, and they are sweethearts.
  4. You know, like suits, ties, skirts or pant sets.
  5. I study Choi Kwang Do, a Korean art, so the school is called a do-jang rather than the Japanese term Do-jo
  6. Our uniform.
  7. For example, applicants certainly take care to dress appropriately for a job interview.